For the first half of 2021, we were in the middle of a massive kitchen remodel. We had decided to stay in our house and just live in half of it with no working kitchen or laundry room. It was intense but we have tons of great memories of those months having to simplify, be creative and learn to really appreciate the conveniences of the modern world.
We converted our formal living into a temporary family room and squeezed in both couches, our TV, and a folding table set up for homework and drawing. Then we converted our formal dining into a temporary kitchen. We took out all of the leaves of our kitchen table and shoved it into the corner. We hauled in our fridge and freezer and I set up a baker’s rack as a temporary pantry. We had a five gallon drink cooler for water and a five gallon bucket underneath it to hold dirty dishes until we could go wash them in the shower (yep, true story). And then Paul saved one set up cupboards when we did our demo and so I had one counter that was 2×6’ with four cupboards underneath it. On that counter was our microwave and toaster oven and then there was space to rotate out the crockpot, hot plate, rice cooker or electric griddle as needed. And that my friends, was our whole kitchen for months.
I have always been organized but it was during this time that I defined and lived by the 4 P’s of family dinner. The 4 P’s of family dinner is not a meal plan and it is not a recipe. It’s four simple principles that if done consistently, will help you be able to make family dinner at home a regular ritual.
So what are these 4 P’s of family dinner?
We didn’t have the money to go out if dinner wasn’t ready because we were intentionally putting so much money towards the remodel. So affordable family dinners at home became a big priority. I was limited in what I could make and how I could make it so planning became crucial. Once a week I went to a different friend’s house and spent a couple of hours preparing my dinners for that week. I’d wash and chop veggies, pre-cook meat and do all the things that I wouldn’t be able to do in my temporary kitchen of a microwave, toaster oven, microwave, crockpot, hot plate and rice cooker. And I persevered. The longer the remodel went on, the better I became at the 4 P’s of family dinner. As we’ve moved back into our newly remodeled kitchen, I’ve continued to implement the things I learned out of necessity those five months. If you are struggling to get family dinner on the table consistently, you are missing or skimping on one of these four principles.
So, how can the 4 P’s of family dinner help you? It is a formula for getting family dinner on the table at home. It can be applied to any family and any household who wants the benefits and blessings of having regular family dinners at home.
The first of the 4 P’s of family dinner is to prioritize.
If you don’t prioritize family dinner, there is no way it’s going to happen consistently. There are too many things competing for your time, energy and money, especially in the evening hours. Prioritizing family dinner will ensure that you give it the time and energy it deserves.
In Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, Greg McKeown teaches, “The word priority came into the English language in the 1400s. It was singular. It meant the very first or prior thing. It stayed singular for the next five hundred years. Only in the 1900s did we pluralise the term and start talking about priorities.”
So, if you have to choose one and only one priority, what would it be? Definitely your family.
So, what does that mean? It means that you choose to put your family first in your devotion and importance and then work the other demands of life with that perspective. It means that amidst all the other pressures and schedules, you figure out the best way for your family to connect. I submit that the simplest way to do that consistently is to regularly gather together at home for a daily meal. It means that you commit to put forth time and energy to get family dinners and the required plan and prep time on your to do list and on your calendar. This will look different for each of us because every family and every home is different.
So, after you have decided to prioritize family dinner as a way to gather your family nightly and nurture and nourish your loved ones, you’re ready to plan.
The second P of the 4 P’s of family dinner, is to plan.
I hate to break it to you but dinner doesn’t just magically appear. It has to be planned for – ahead of time. So, keep in mind this is “plan” as the verb – an action, not “plan” as the noun – a thing. It requires you and your brain and your newly found resolve to get family dinner on your table a priority. Planning family dinner entails decision making and taking action.
I love this definition because it says “in advance”. If you’re not used to having regular family dinners and you have abusy schedule, block out a time for planning in your calendar. Yes, I’m serious, you’ll need to actually put it in your calendar and then stick with it. I’d suggest 60-75 min to plan for one week’s meals. That may sound like a lot but it’ll save time and reduce stress throughout the week if you are planning for family dinner in advance each week.
This should be a time when you have the mental capacity to think clearly, have access to your family’s calendar and access to your kitchen. I often do my planning early in the morning before our day has started or late at night once the house is quieter.
Here are the tasks you need to accomplish during your planning session:
- Set times for family dinner each night – it’s nice to be consistent but life isn’t consistent so I think it’s best to look at each day and figure out what time works best. If daily dinner isn’t a reality, look at having a big breakfast together a couple times a week, plan weekend family meals or do a dessert rendezvous in the kitchen once everyone is home for the evening.
- Decide which meals you’ll be making and eating within the coming week. I don’t assign a meal to a day because I like flexibility during the week. Plan variety and plan according to that week’s schedule. If you won’t be home much that week, don’t plan meals that require a lot of time in the kitchen.
- Make your grocery list and order groceries for pickup
- Look at what time you have available for the next week and block out times to prepare dinner
Can you see why planning is such a crucial step to having a successful family dinner? Can you see how setting aside time to plan each week can alleviate many of your current frustrations with having family dinner at home? Fabulous! On to the next step.
The third P of the 4 P’s of Family Dinner is prepare.
Just because you know what you’re having for dinner and you have all the ingredients in your kitchen doesn’t mean dinner is ready. I love this definition because dinner is something that you have to “make ready beforehand.”
Preparing for dinner is the actual chopping, mixing, cooking, baking – what we usually refer to as “making dinner.”
If you are at home in the afternoon and evenings, your prepare period is most likely the 30 min to hour before you sit down to eat dinner. If you aren’t home or are constantly committed during the late afternoon and evening hours, you need to have prepared dinner at a different time. There are many recipes that can be completely prepared in advance.
When you plan, plan to prepare more than one meal at a time making your time in the kitchen more efficient and rewarding. Don’t prepare dinner alone! The preparing time is a great time to involve helpers, train up sous-chefs and work side by side with your kiddos. Preparing for family dinner at home is a key step and if you’ve planned to prepare, you can get dinner on the table on time with less frustration. If you are just learning how to cook, create a buffer for your dinner preparation time, add on 15-20 minutes to the prepare time listed on the recipe you’re making if you have a tight schedule that evening.
You are doing awesome! You’ve prioritized, planned and prepared. You’re probably thinking, what could be left?
The 4th and final P of family dinner is to persevere.
Just as a handful of raindrops don’t provide enough water for a growing plant to thrive, a smattering of family dinners won’t create the strong family bonds you’re hoping for. But years of consistent family dinners at home can.
Do you have to do it for years? I’m going to tell you the truth because I love that you’re here – the truth is yes, but if that overwhelms you don’t think about it. Just think about prioritizing, planning and preparing family dinner for this week. And then don’t you give up! Remember the reasons you are making family dinners at home a priority? Hint: your biggest reasons are the precious faces sitting around your dinner table and then persevere, a day at a time and one week at a time.
It will feel hard because it is hard. You won’t see results immediately and wonder why you’re putting forth so much effort. Know that there will be lots of tough nights – spilled drinks, broken dishes, picky eaters, recipe fails, touchy teenagers, and more but you will be fighting the good fight of gathering your family each night to help nourish and nurture them.
Consistency is your goal, not perfection.
And through your consistent efforts, you’ll be strengthening your family, helping create connection and raise resilient kids one meal at a time.
So, what are you waiting for? Let’s get to work!
COMMENTS